Whether we are a sun-sign Pisces or not, we all are going to experience this potent Pisces new moon and solar eclipse in a certain way. Wherever Pisces or Neptune it’s ruling planet is located in your chart, and the aspects it makes to your personal planets, there will be an influx of activity ranging from that which brings one a sense of ecstasy and bliss to that which may have felt like that at one point but now feels like a disillusionment. We may encounter scenarios that make us feel like a victim or a savior, someone who is looking for salvation or someone who feels helpless in trying to save another. The fact that a total solar eclipse is occurring during this lunation can wildly influence a dramatic shift in ourselves or our loved ones as one door may be closing while another opens. By using the Piscean energy of letting it go we allow for the process to unfold more naturally.
The sign of Pisces in my birth chart is the significator of my fifth house of romance, courtship, and creativity. I was the idealist that sought a divine love in matters that had to do with courtship and romance. It was through my lover that I felt I could escape the clutches of this world of suffering in order to be submerged in the oneness of the placenta of perfect and unconditional love. And so I gave of myself fully. All of me, thereby forgetting about the individual who I was with all of my own needs just to feel merged and connected to the point that nothing else was felt between us. I remember one time the ultimatum my girlfriend gave me when I was seventeen as I was about to embark on an illustrious dj career. I invested about $1500.00 of the best dj equipment money can buy but when she noticed how much time it took away from being with her, she decreed, ” either you’re a DJ, or you’re with me, you can’t have both.” Being the hopeless romantic that I was I returned the equipment and even had to pay a fifteen percent restocking fee just so that I could feel that sense of oneness and peace between us again. I figured being a DJ was not worth the love and ecstasy that I projected and experienced from my girlfriend. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, I had forsaken myself as I closed the door to what I wanted and that which made me happy.
Some time went by and we’d have our typical disagreements and arguments which left me feeling lost and confused. “How can we be so stuck in this world of feeling separate and bickering when the only thing that matters to me is the love you give me?”, I thought to myself. Needless to say, things didn’t get better and I found myself living in a reality that I never signed up for! It was the antithesis of all that was blissful and ecstatic. To make matters worse, I felt I sold my own self out by giving up on my dj pursuits and that which made me happy. This event served as a template for future experiences with the love affairs of my life. Although not to the same degree, I found myself repeating this scenario as I kept giving myself away to please my lover in order so that nothing would be in the way of consecrating this sense of oneness with what I believed to be this Divine Goddess that was sent from the heavens. Time after time, without fail, I returned to the same conclusion I had when I was seventeen. Another disillusioning romance that left me feeling that I had forgotten about myself. It was karmic and would continue to repeat itself until I learned a tremendously valuable lesson. I had to learn how to give of myself just as I have been doing and yet simultaneously not forget about myself in the process. It seemed like a paradox and contradiction! How the heck can I give fully of myself and at the same time remain as an individual with my own needs and wants?? Ah, the question of a lifetime was born.
I didn’t have the answer. I needed to continue living it through the love affairs I was a part of in order to learn firsthand if this was possible. I started becoming more aware of how it felt like when I gave too much away. It didn’t feel good as I felt depleted and emptied out. When I didn’t give all I knew I was capable of, my heart felt like it wasn’t fully open and connected. It didn’t feel fulfilling. By staying open and aware to what I was giving and receiving through my love affairs I had learned what loving unconditionally was about while discovering healthy boundaries in the process. Though I was unaware of it at that time, something very mysterious occurred. As I went through this process, and I must’ve went through it quite a few times, I realized that what I was looking for through my partners, I was already giving to myself. By refocusing the attention back on myself I began searching within my own heart for that divine feeling of unconditional love and oneness that I was seeking through my partners. Once I was finally able to get deeply in touch with that, I had arrived at the source and fountain of my own being and nature. Gradually, without knowing, the expectation and idealization that I projected onto my romantic flames started to dissolve as I finally was able to see the ordinary human being with all its beautiful imperfections and humbling limitations that encapsulated a radiant and divine soul to be accepted as they were. No longer was I blinded by a vision of a savior partner to expect a union of perfect and unconditional love.
I think we all seem to get lost in the illusion to one degree or another. We seek that perfect and redeeming love through our partners or something else while not realizing that what we are looking for lies deep within us. Once we truly recognize and experience this we can ease the burden on ourselves as well as our loved ones of trying to fulfill what we perceive as an empty void in within us. By discovering the bottomless and unconditional fountain of Divine Love within ourselves we break free of the illusion of believing that that which we seek to save us is outside of ourselves. So where in your chart do you seek the ideal? And how can this powerful Piscean portal we are all experiencing shed light into your own illusions and transcendent fantasies?